Life is full of difficult people.
People who are full of it, some may say.
They don’t have any regard for the trouble that they cause others.
In fact, they usually don’t notice how much chaos is caused by their stubborn, selfish nature.
Most of the time we can just laugh them off and leave them in the dust. After all, suffering idiots isn’t worth your time, or your mental health.
But some difficult connections are necessary and you can’t just cut and run.
Maybe it’s a critical business contact that you need to keep the ship afloat.
Or it could be a family member who truly means well, but sucks at it.
Whatever the situation, sometimes we face an impossible situation and just need to figure out how to manage it.
So, what do you do?
Here are three key points to consider while you try to hold on to your marbles.
Keep Your Cool – Don’t Take it Personally
Within every great manipulator is the power to make you feel furious by giving you the sense of a deeply personal attack.
It’s a great trick.
As long as they can keep you aggravated, they can make you dance.
When you are the one who is upset, angry, or whatever version of off-balance they can invoke, they can make the claim that they’re the reasonable one.
The power struggle
Don’t fool yourself – it is a game of power. Difficult people see the world through an us-against-them mentality.
They believe that there is a struggle for control. As long as they’re going to play, they will do anything to avoid losing.
It does not matter that you are trying to find the middle ground – they are not.
Don’t Buy the B.S.
You can maintain your emotional freedom in this: don’t take it personally.
It’s not about you, but it is weaponized against you.
They’re firing bullets with your name on them.
But it is not really about you, it’s about them.
And they are not even bullets.
Just like in a dream, it’s not real. Just because they slap your name on their mass-produced bitterness doesn’t mean it is truly about you.
I know it’s still frustrating, though.
Don’t Try to Fix It – They Don’t Want it Fixed
The problem for a lot of reasonable people dealing with jerks is that they believe everyone is speaking the same language: rationality.
As I said above, it’s a war of power; a struggle for control.
You assume you can reason with them and talk some sense into the situation.
You can’t.
Don’t confuse the vocabulary of rationality with rational thinking itself.
You are from the same place but live in different realities
Impossible people carry with them a broken premise about the people around them.
They are lost inside of their distorted version of reality.
While it’s true that we all have our version of reality through which we see the world, many of us are trying to make it harmonious with the other realities around us.
That is not the case for everyone.
Everyone is the enemy, including you
People with this twisted perspective think the world is a game pitted against them.
When that’s the case, there’s no way to break them free of that misbelief.
You cannot give enough kindness and generosity to fix another person’s broken worldview.
You’ll probably just fuel their fire.
You might spend hours wrestling with a pig in the mud until you realize you’re nothing but dirty and exhausted, and the pig is actually enjoying it.
Control the Dosage – Have a Strategy
Unfortunately, this is a battleground.
When you have to deal with a person who sees life as a battle, you’re forced to face off on their front line.
But it doesn’t mean you have to fire a weapon.
You just need to get in, do what you came to do, and get out.
A battle without a plan is asking to lose
It’s a pragmatic way to look at it, and it can save your energy and sanity if you make a plan beforehand.
What do you need?
What do they need?
How can you meet those milestones in the middle, even if they won’t?
If it’s a difficult family member, the pragmatic goal may be as simple as “to give them love, even if they can’t receive it.”
Yes, it is possible to do that and get the heck out of there before you are drained.
Make sure your plan includes an escape
Letting someone hate on you and tear you apart is neither polite nor professional.
It’s just you taking abuse.
Even if it’s a family member, taking their crap isn’t loving them, it’s laying down and letting them run the show.
We have already determined that they are some sort of mud-wrestling pig firing bullets at you, so maybe we won’t let them make the final choices for the interaction.
When it is a situation where you can’t cut and run completely: define your goals, needs, and wants before you start. That way you can identify a successful visit and get out as early as possible.
Save some patience and energy for next time.
Bosses, Partners, Parents, Frenemies… There is Always Someone
Sometimes life hits us like a slap in the face.
And sometimes that slap in the face is simply having to share company with some sort of stubborn nitwit.
Maybe they’re a colleague.
Or maybe they are family and you even love this doofus.
Whatever the case, it’s a real crap sandwich that you can’t always avoid.
So consider these points and do your best to take care of yourself.
Win the fight by never swinging back, then get out of dodge.
And, while you’re at it, try not to lose your marbles.
Written by Lyle Mustard
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